Spelling by Microsoft, advice on English and how she is writ courtesy Peter Holland

To contact me or contribute anything for inclusion in Uncle Joe's Gossip email; Keith@ilkestonfolkclub.org.uk

Wed 1st Sept

Packed out this week everyone back from Whitby (No one brought me hat back!!!!).  It was WotsWot's half hour spot this week, they turned up promptly about 8.30 after several people panicked about their no show, not me though, I have confidence and a secure understanding that we could more than cover them if they hadn't shown.  People have asked why they were booked at the beginning of the month instead of the end, well basically they are so popular that certain people moaned, being in Whitby they where going to miss them.  So there you have it, ask and it shall be granted, (don't push it!).  We had a newish face in this week Jonathan who is known to us but claims not to have played for us before, the lovely Branka kicked off for us followed by Bob & Terry with WotsWot closing the first half, I should mention that they where using  a session musician, Dave who accompanied on Kazoo.  I, not getting a spot of my own agreed to help Clive out with a bit of bodhran playing, Clive good mate that he is played one tune increasing in tempo to a gallop (total surprise to me) and another one I had never heard before in my life, of course it was me that was criticised for poor playing.  Dec did a combo spot with George, Not George & Barry George, another one and very good they were too, also Nora told us his exam results were exemplary as well so congrats. Dec.  Hang on, this is turning into a weekly report something I vowed I would never do again, enough said some people played and everyone had a good time. 

There will be a committee meeting Wed 22nd Sept committee members please note 7.15 start please try to attend

Christmas party has been arranged for Wed Dec 15th details will be announced post committee meeting  as will this years AGM.  Start thinking NOW who you want on the committee, Chairman etc. soon be decision time.

Our stage at Wirksworth festival is well underway,  we will be running an outdoor stage outside the library on Sunday 12th Sept, some support would be nice.  Several people have been asked to play and many are saying maybe, so if you haven't been asked and you want to be included get in touch either by email or next Wednesday.

Finally no one likes a smart arse do they? I've just been up to Glasgow for a day, family visiting and a very nice lady, blonde, slim, really friendly but sounding like Rab C Nesbit on speed kept asking questions about my impending breakfast, (Glasgow is the fried breakfast capitol of the world).  I apologised and explained that she would have take it a little slower, she smiled sweetly and proceeded as if I was senile, "Do......You......Want........Tea......Or........Coffee?", "Would....You.....Like......Toast?".  I smiled ever so sweetly and told her she was taking the pish (Glaswegian for p..s), another blow struck for Anglo - Scottish harmony.

Wed 25th Aug

Bit of a quiet night this week, only to be expected during Whitby folk week.  Twigg was first up and in desperation was followed by Derek, Greg, Tom & Me to name but a few.  Donna came in late but was able to walk straight into a spot and sang two lovely songs, Jamie did two covers for a change although he was nearly defeated by Layla but he didn't give up and murdered it to the bitter end, Eric should sue.  Talking about Eric I did an Eric number, Idle that is not Clapton, "I like Chinese" must be the most racist song you'll ever hear in a folk club, well maybe not, and then Tom joined me for a rendition in two part harmany of "Rocking The Cradle".  We had discovered this talent for two part harmony in Whitby, it wasn't until later Tom reminded me we were both quite drunk in Whitby, which explains the sober yet unholy racket that ensued in the club.

The Whitby Report

This years trip to Whitby started gently enough at Tibshelf services on the M1 where I found Clive & Dave waiting, the weather was looking a bit doubtful but we were determined to make the best of it.  We duly arrived in a blustery Whitby and pitched camp without incident, Bob arrived a little later with son Paul and although the armed guards on the gate took some persuading that Bob really was with us, we managed to get him in and took delight in watching the two of them struggling to put their tent up in what had become a fairly stiff breeze, Tom arrived later still after all the work was done.  With fish and chips eaten in a bus shelter (it had started to rain) Whitby had begun.  Both Saturday and Sunday where glorious sunny and warm and as tradition requires we ended up in the back yard of The Plough with full glasses although sadly still no music. Back at the camp site we learned that Dr Jo and Jan had arrived and that Jo had immediately thrown herself off the patio damaging her ankle and confining her to barracks.  Ian also showed, foot-sore and lamenting a terrible journey, we learned later that there was a long walk to the station followed by a long walk home to check the gas was off followed closely by a further long walk to the station.  It seems that they have a rogue fire alarm in Chez Scott that is prone to false alarms, his wife wisely, thought if left to it's own devises it might worry the neighbours but un-wisely left it to Ian to resolve, his solution? simple, he took it with him, unfortunately it began to beep in the station accompanied by a red flashing light.  Ian isn't daft and thought he had better retreat out of the station with it, unfortunately he chose the platform and found himself surrounded by railway employee's who quite reasonably demanded to know what he had in his bag, "a fire alarm" said Ian not thinking that this would sound odd, they compromised by stabbing the unfortunate alarm with a screwdriver until it gave out, I think he's pretty fortunate not to have been shot on sight! but we are a bit less hysterical int' north.  We found ourselves camped next to two ladies  Kathleen & Val,  who after suitable introductions made themselves comfortable in our midst, Kathleen is a fine singer and guitarist although left handed (never a good omen) Val was much quieter.  It seems they are local lasses, local to us that is not Whitby and are known to Clive and Chris so we can look forward to seeing them in the club soon I hope.  Well another year done and next year to look forward to, we will be without the regatta crowd next year so it will be a little quieter in the streets but if I'm honest I quite like the regatta it gives the whole place a carnival atmosphere, but then again so does a night under canvas with some good friends and a bottle of something strong.

Wed 18^th Aug

Only two more days to Whitby!!!  For anyone not doing something this weekend get yourselves up to the North York Moors and enjoy some singing in the streets and bars of Whitby. 

We had a bumper crop of people in tonight, the place was heaving, due no doubt to Greg and Myself returning to the helm.  The list filled very quickly but as always we managed to squeeze some space for everyone.   I got Sutton Mick to start us off this week, he thinks that’s it, he’s done the first spot and will never need to do it again.  Well, it don’t work like that, because he caved in relatively easily he is now marked as a victim, every time we need a favour from a performer guess who will get first chance? Another one bites the dust.  Nige returned to fold this week, he’s been off tending to his flock at a Christian malarkey down in Somerset, now don’t tell me cider doesn’t feature large in this event I simply do not believe it, I think there may have been some very inebriated, if Godly people there, and I know there was at least one.  Peter H got us all singing this week with a couple of belters, proper music hall sing-along’s,  I have suggested to him that he might like to become a regular contributor to the web site, so hopefully there may some more reports with his unique dry wit in the near future and on that subject if anyone else wishes to contribute please feel free to do so.  We had a band in, not entirely strangers but new to us all the same, “Don’t think twice” did a couple with Banjo, Mandolin and vocals but we won’t hold that against them.   Jason asked us to join him singing happy birthday to his daughter, whose name escapes me, then he led the singing in a strange bluesy Bruce Springsteen kind of way, the audience were variously two bars in front to about 10 bars behind him in various pitches and keys, it was a delight to behold.  Jamie brought up the rear as he often does roundly insulting the people of Cotmanhay, his dad maintains that Cotmanhay was alright until Jamie moved there.

Wed 11th Aug

In My Absence (on Ta Be Sure gig duty) Peter has kindly done a report for us:

As the alternative was booing England on the telly, I suppose it was no surprise we got a good turnout – 68.   Derek and Richo were the squeaky-clean presenters: positive comment or nowt, and the absence of jokes saved a lot of time.   The acts:

1 Richo in sandals as usual self-deprecating, gave a fine rendition of Blackjack Davy

2 Carol, after a year`s break, gave us a folk song, then introduced her grand-daughter, thumb-in-mouth, who occupied about 30 seconds

3 Terry, therefore, had to rush on to stage, flustered but did well – Paul Simon and then Eddie Cochran

4 Dek and brother Dan had brought their supporters club.   They performed a couple of gentle songs that I wouldn't have associated with Peter Doherty.   They got an unheard-of 3^rd song due to frenetic applause and the hole in the playlist.   Dek is one cool player.

5 Bob the maestro offered his usual energetic performance, including a Roger Whitaker song.

6 One half of the seemingly-defunct River Deep, Sue and Wal, came next, accompanied by recently-arrived and very welcome Cookie.   The suggested name The Cookies fell on deaf ears.

Apparently, Elvis died 33 years ago (I was travelling in Greece in a very-crowded Ford transit van at the time), so Wal gave us Mess of Blues, Don't Be Cruel, and (the chips not having arrived) All Shuck Up.  

7 still no chips so Jamie burst on the scene with one of his gritty lovelorn offerings and then a rather shaky  Sultans of Swing.                                          

At last the interval.   Two newcomers had been paid for by kind-hearted Derek; wouldn't you know that they went on to win the wine.   Perhaps they won't reappear – it can never be this good again.

2^nd half:

8 the mellow Alan – he's such a crowd-pleaser -  did his own sad song and then called up Donna for a powerful Over The Rainbow.

9 John B, another club favourite, gave us Rain and Snow

10 Donna was back with a couple of slushy songs she's practising for a wedding; I much preferred her earlier effort

11Already anticipating the delights of Whitby, Colin and Chris did Forever Young

12 Derek

13 Chris et al

I'm afraid your correspondent missed these last acts; he did himself sing a couple of unaccompanied folk songs earlier.

Oh so it seems no one missed me! or Greg for that matter, if fact it seems certain people might prefer Dek & Richo, well, we'll see, it will be no good coming begging me when I'm rich and famous as I undoubtedly will be just as soon as Ta Be Sure get noticed, Oh no I will spit on your club.

I have rather recklessly agreed to do the Wirksworth Festival again this year (Sunday 12th Sept).  With no idea of the support or willingness on your part to take part it seems rather daft I know but in 2008 we did the Saturday and it was great despite a rather wet day.  Basically we will have the use of a Gazeebo outside the library for the day in an attempt to entertain the passing throng, there will be approx 1/2 hour spots available with the club's sound gear and some chairs so I hope you will be up for a fun day out with your mates and what amounts to a bit of busking in picturesque Wirksworth.

If anyone is interested we went down a storm in Farnsfield Folk Club on Wednesday, Farnsfield is a nice little club run these days by Lance Syston after Des's untimely demise.  Some of you will remember Becky and Lance from the White Cow days.

Wed 4th Aug

With Nige away and Dave off with his caravan I was left to travel saaf all alone.  We had a busy night with lots of artists to get on and with Greg & Dek back from hols the dream team (Greg & Me) were back in charge.  On that subject next week will be a little bit light as Greg is off gallivanting again, I've got a gig with Ta be Sure at Farnsfield Folk Club and Little Dave is still away as well so Billie is threatening to throw a sickie, Derek's been left in charge but I think you will find someone more capable will take charge, either that or Richo again.  We had one birthday in, Tony from Takemine corner and a welcome visit from Gary of Spondon fame although he had to be warned about singing songs about unemployment in front of  Derek, not that it bothers Derek but it gives me a chance to heckle.  We also had three firemen in, well to be truthful ex firemen, so we were reassured that if a fire had started in the club we would be able to follow the echo of their footsteps down the fire escape.  Dave B has moved the ceiling lights  for us again, so even the hard of seeing should be able to read a crib sheet on stage now, thanks Dave. 

Wed 28th July

At last, the long awaited half hour spot by Click,  I arrived somewhat late this week due to the arrival of my son and heir from Glasgow for a visit.  So the list was already filled in when I got there, except John had put himself down twice and not left space for click but it was his show so I left him to it, it's what friends are for.  We started with Dave T for a change and then Tom another second halfer,  new face this week was Arnie a very accomplished player / singer,  in the second half we managed to lose John altogether but did get to see, or more to the point hear Donna, Al and Jamie who where all too late to get a spot initially.   Now I am not one to tell tales out of school but I did catch John out putting people in before they actually arrived in the club!  Oh Dearie Me!  this is the worst of all transgressions the MC can commit, you would never catch Greg or Myself doing this, a full report of the incident will have to be made before the committee, I fully expect him to be castigated.  The only saving grace for him was he was trying to make sure Lightnin Pete, Dave The Knobs and Pat got a spot, a commendable motive and Lighnin playing Cha Cha Cha on gob iron with DTK on Guitar almost made it worth the risk. 

So to Clive & Mick's half hour, as you would expect from Clive there was some great singing and competent playing, Mick's bass playing really does lift the whole thing as well, surprising what a little bass will do.  There was a guest bodhran  player as well, I got roped in at the last minute, well I sort of inserted myself really.  I must be mad, (They must be mad)  having no idea of the play list, no idea how one or two of the songs went and being landed with a surprise bodhran solo in the first song it was a bit of a trial but enjoyable all the same. I did sort of steal Mick's thunder a bit at one stage but I am sure he will forgive me, eventually. 

Well bad back, prodigal offspring and God willing

Wed 21st July

LOOK!  I don't do this for the good of my health you know, once more I am in trouble.  Geoff, sorry Jeff is up in arms about me mis-spelling his name, Ms Duffy (current Poet Laureate) disputes my Knowledge of Keats and the North Yorks tourist board wants to know what Whitby has ever done to me.  To add to my list of woes I have been and still am to some extent laid up with a bad back, not just your usual "oh me back hurts" type, Oh no, serious "I need strong drugs" back problems, so Geoff sorry Jeff, get over it! ok.

Martin opened for us this week, he has done it before in the not too distant past but Billie was left in charge of the list so he's now done it again, well done mate.  We were treated to two celebrity bands this week, first of all Dave (no not that one, or that one) invited Greg and Derek to accompany him , he doesn't look foolish does he?  We found a name for them, Thorny and the prickles, someone did suggest Thorny and the Pricks but we thought perhaps not.  The Second band Wot's Wot was accompanied on Kazoo by the aforementioned Dave this caused Greg some difficulty, he is obviously not familiar with the instrument, calling it a Bazooka and a Gazoo amongst other things despite help and advice from the audience.  We did have another band, Click, they seemed ok on their first number but nearly came to blows over the second, apparently Mick was prepared to do one particular song and Clive got it in his head that they were doing something completely different, it was nearly handbags in the carpark.  You may have seen Derek drinking out of a pewter mug of late, you know the sort of thing real folkie's drink out of at festivals, (the meaner ones just walk about with one attached to their belt), he didn't buy it or get it for anything special, apparently it was going begging so he just took to it.  We thought it was a real shame he didn't get it engraved so we set little Dave on last week and managed to get it out of the club and back complete with engraving and a polish by the start this week, was he surprised? pleased?  no, he didn't even notice, it had to be pointed out to him.

Finally, Peter in the course of last weeks English lesson took exception to the phrase "double entendre" it being a mixture of English and French.  In it's place he suggests "adianoeta" but has not the slightest idea how to pronounce it, answers on a postcard etc. etc. 

You may remember Alan Morley coming to the club a while ago with a squeeze box see May 5th.  He has sent me this information that I thought you might like to see

Wed 14th July

Takemine corner are back but everyone else seems to be gone again!   No not everyone of course but we were a little bit on the quiet side.   I opened proceedings for a change, I should explain, no one likes to do the first spot so we have to insist that everyone does it now and then, Greg and Myself included.  So I brought my old twelve string out for an airing, did a couple of songs and discovered my eyes aint what they used to be.  What with the weather being a bit changeable (Black over Bill's mother's) and the lack of stage lighting at the Stute I couldn't read the words, coupled with me struggling with the twelve string a bit, I haven't played it for a long time, it was a bit of a shambles all told but "ne mind eh" (Keats). 

Peter announced to all and sundry that he was going to do a lewd song, it turned out to be about mowing a meadow!!  If grass mowing on an industrial scale is lewd there are a lot of people from round my way just asking for trouble, I would say it was a double entendre if I could spell it.  As everyone (except me) managed to be brief we got Greg on just before the chips as an added extra, and as the chips didn't arrive he got to do three songs.  On the first he had little Dave doing comedy sound effects, on the second I did a kazoo solo, except it wasn't solo Greg kept going, the third he managed all alone, thankfully the chips eventually arrived.  Donna sang beautifully in the second half doing a Bob Dylon song the title of which I do not know, I commented on her vest and Bob corrected me saying she was wearing a singlet "It was a frock actually".  Jeff brought up the rear so to speak with a couple of nice numbers on a borrowed Martin guitar, I don't know if it's just me but he is impossible to sing along with, he has a unique sense of timing, or no sense at all bless him, but that is what passes for entertainment on a wet Wednesday in Ilkeston, you can keep your world cup and Wimbledon, give me a room full of folkie's battering popular music to death and calling each other names any time.  A very important birthday this week, Billie is twenty something on Saturday, and Bop had a birthday last week, happy birthday to both.

Finally Wonderful Whitby is nigh,  there is still time to get in on the fun and frolics if you haven't already done so.  It is a week of sun, sea and music, August 21st - 27th this year, there will be some alcohol and chips involved as well.  We aim to get as many friends as we can up there so do come along if you can.  Some will stay for a day, some for the week,  there will be an Ilkeston contingent on the Moor & Coast camp site as usual if you want to join us.  Still not sure? speak to:  Me, Chris, Clive, Johnny B, Richo, Mick & Sue to name but a few. 

Just received an email from my English guide Peter,  I have omitted apostrophes from "Ne' Mind Eh" and he maintains that it is not a quote from Keats.  Now I haven't done A level Keats but Suze who is an honours graduate in Eng lit?? assures me that Keats being originally from Sneinton often used local dialect in his poetry and is widely credited with the popularisation of the phrases "Ayup Me Duck" and "Bugger Me", although the latter may be a corruption of the west country phrase "Bugger Oi".    

Wed 7th July

After a couple of quiet weeks, the place was heaving this week, it is just as well that all of Takemine corner are still away, we had to horse trade to get everyone on.  Surprisingly we managed to get not only every one on but managed to fit in several late comer's as well, my thanks to everyone who played for not messing about.  We had a couple of new faces and a birthday this week,  Dec brought big brother Danny with him and did a really nice duet, there was a guy called Ben and a lovely singer Kathleen tempted along by Hugh and Clive I believe, Autoharp Bob put in an appearance as did Leaky and with the usual suspects as well we all had a terrific night if a little hot and sweaty.  On the subject of hot and sweaty Peter was caught out, he was having a moan about the heat when Bob revealed that he had shut one of the windows at Peter's request, apparently it was the breeze that was the problem!  So we hung him out of the window by his ankles, Ok we didn't I made that up.  Birthday this week was? .......... well me actually I reached the grand old age of 55 on Monday, I seem to be fated to be a nearly person, born the day after American independence day, two years too late for the Queens coronation & the conquest of Everest, apparently the best I can do is the Toxteth Riots they started on July 5th in 1981, Oh and rock around the clock reached number one on the American billboard charts actually on my birthday, I bet Wal is cock a hoop.

Wed 30th June

Once more we had a quiet night, Thank Heavens some might say.  The combination of the heat, holidays and Nige's half hour saw us with quite a low turnout, (I didn't mean that Nige) In the absence of Wal and Tom, Dave was left holding the fort on the mixing desk, he didn't realise he was the sound man until having set the gear up and putting all the plugs in he suddenly got that lonely feeling, everyone else had run away while he wasn't looking.  Everyone except Nige that is who looking over Dave's shoulder gave lots of advice and interference, all of it completely useless of course but even with Nige's help Dave did a remarkable job, the sound was as close to perfect as it ever is and until Richo got on stage and started to interfere remained so for the majority of the night, very well done and thank you Dave.   Bob started us off this week, and we had rare treats from Kathy Anna, Dave T and Cookie, so all you absentee's missed the now very rare treat of Cookie singing and playing.  Half way through proceedings we came to Nige and his half hour spot, he promised a program of all new material, well new to him that is, and he didn't disappoint, starting off with Don't Fence Me In he filled his half hour spot with fine songs and even delayed the eating of the chips, well done mate.

Wed 23rd June

Hi everybody normal service is resumed, I am finally up to speed with the vagaries of SFTP and I now have a local copy of our web site on my laptop so apart from everything taking longer and being more difficult to do all is well.  For the techies amongst you I still use Frontpage as my HTML editor and I use WinScp to load the site, we are still hosted at 34sp  but on a brand new server now, Ok everybody got that?

We had a quiet night this week, everybody on holiday, too hot or still up the pub celebrating England's first World cup win, So for once there was plenty of time, enough spots to go round and loads of chips at half time.  We had a birthday in and a casualty!  Birthday boy is Mick on the front table, Happy Birthday Mick and our casualty is Sue who turned up sporting a real shiner, there were innuendoes that Mick (her husband not birthday boy) had thumped her but as Mick was unmarked (I doubt he would have been had he raised a hand to Sue) we didn't believe it and sure enough it is the result of some medical procedure, so get better soon Sue and give Mick a clout just for good measure.  Clive & Mick started us off this week, voluntarily I have to say, cheers mates, followed by a now disgruntled Dave.  Dave, having never been to a festival was coming to Brampton with us, I got him a ticket, transport and accommodation had been planned, when...... Brampton was cancelled due to financial worries, his mood wasn't improved by Derek telling him that they had gone bust and were only paying 5p in the pound on refunds, I further darkened his day by forgetting my wallet, so to date he has got bugger all back, if it is any consolation Dave I am getting bugger all interest on it in my bank account .   Times are clearly hard, for the first time ever (that I recall) there are tickets available for Cambridge, I wonder how many festivals will disappear next year?  Twigg meanwhile after being virtually arm twisted onto the stage, he was going to play and then not, then was, then wasn't, caused a near riot by bringing up the emergency budget during his spot, lets just say opinions were divided.  We rounded the night off with a big jamming session due to the lack of a closing act, thanks Billie for allowing us to play on after time.

Don't forget next week is Nige's half hour spot, all new material is promised!!

 Wed 16th June

As you can see near normal service has resumed, Uncle Joes will be continuing as of next week.  Now the more observant amongst you will have noticed a new colour scheme, so what do you think?  Is it too in your face?  Has anything disappeared you can't live without, maybe you have an idea for something I should include, let's have some feed back otherwise I will run riot.  There are no photo's or music at the minute I will be adding these in the near future and would really like some new pictures so get the camera's out.

Wed 26th May

An attack of man flu has laid me low so I was absent, maybe someone will enlighten us?   I'm off to Ireby in sunny (I hope) Cumbria this weekend with Clive, so unless Clive goes native and escapes across Hadrians Wall we'll see you all next week.

 I am indebted to the ever lovely Suze for the following;

The evening was marred by the absence of Keith. I hear he is suffering from man flu. Poor thing. I’m sure you’d all like to join with me in  
offering heartfelt sympathy and best wishes for a speedy recovery.  Poor Keith. He is such a vital and energetic person that it grieves me  
sorely to think of him struck down in his prime . . . nope, can’t keep that up any longer. Get over it you little malingerer!!


So, what happened in the Stute this week? Well, the mass assembled to hear Barry’s half hour, and was thoroughly entertained by Barry’s ten  
minutes. Yes – it went horribly wrong. The gear was set up and Barry launched into his first song. All seemed to be going well until he was  
about half way through his second song and the keyboard died. Now, in explaining what went wrong, I’m going to have to use some technical  
terms so, stick with me here. The black wire thingy with the box thingy in the middle that passes the elastictrickery from plughole to  
keyboard appeared to be buggered and saw fit to emit a smell of burning. And that was that. Alan ran off home to see if he had another  
black wire thingy with the box thingy in the middle but I can only assume that it didn’t work, so poor Barry was left in silence. It was  
real shame and I hope we can resume Barry’s half hour spot soon.  However, it was amusing to watch Twig plead with the audience not to  
tell Keith that it all went wrong in his absence. Being the honourable sort, I will, of course, keep quiet about it.


Other than that, the evening went exceedingly well. John and Nige traded good-humoured insults as they shared MC duties, Bob stepped in  
and did the sound in Tom’s absence, and I managed to stay awake till the end of the evening. Considering how many of the key people were  
missing, I think the remaining few did a rather good job of keeping things going. I would mention the new chap who came along and sang a  
couple of really nice folk songs – but I can’t remember his name or what the songs were called so that falls a it flat as a review! I was  
also quite taken with the song Donna sang while Johnno played, Again,  no idea what the song was but it sounded good to me. (I feel sure it’s  
only a matter of time before I can’t even remember my own name.)


Judging by the smell of vinegar, some chips appeared at half time. Oh, and Nora won the raffle – again! And that’s about all I can remember  
of the evening so that’ll teach Keith not to abandon his duties!


See you next week – if I can remember what night it’s on…


Suze x=

Ta Suze, I suppose you think that's funny??  And now the Ireby report;   On picking Clive up at his humble abode I got him a little worried by announcing " Oh! shit I forgot the Vaseline ", Ehem I think I should explain, having a nasty dose of man flu I have been salving the end of my nose with it.  Ireby for the ignorant is in deepest Cumbria and a nicer little festival I have yet to find, I discovered a guy called Luka Bloom who it turns out is Christy Moore's brother? if you haven't seen this guy grab a look he is really good, I mean seriously good.   Kate Rusby of course was Kate Rusby, you know she could sing The White Cockade to me all night I wouldn't tire of it, simply brill.  Anyway there was some drinking, a couple of fried breakfasts and a light dusting of fresh Cumbrian rain, we got back intact, complete with my now relentless cough.

Wed 19th May

Very very busy night, the list was full to bustin very early on and people just kept coming in! the sort of people you have to find room for.  Ted started us off with one he wrote himself well done mate as an infrequent performer it made a nice change to hear something new by someone new'sh.  Peter on the other hand rushed up exclaimed wrestling! and went again, it was some time before I caught up with him again, what he claims he said was "resting" .  We had very long overdue visits from (deep breath) Pat, Karen, Lightnin Pete & our very own Dave The Knobs, it was really nice to see Dave & Lightnin after a quite lengthy absence still doing the same songs like they've never been away, No seriously it was really nice to see them and lightnin of course managed to muscle in on several other peoples acts as well with his gob iron.  Dave the knobs sadly minus his trademark leather jacket, managed to get on stage with Pat and Karen and, wait for it! actually sang, now I don't want any of you motherly types worrying about Dave out without his coat on, he was wearing two shirts three jumpers and a knitted jacket, on a night when it must have been 70+ in the top room, he still looks like a head atop knotted string.  Pat brought  Karen along with him, now I don't remember Karen but apparently we booked her once back in the White Cow days and very good she is too I hope we see them both again in the near future.  Gary came across from deepest Spondon this week to cheer us up with a couple of his famously light-hearted songs and birthday boy this week is Johnny B, of indeterminate age, slight of stature but with a heart as big as a bucket (and a head to match), I am glad we don't have to buy presents, what would you get for the man who has everything?  Talking about presents we had a bottle of gin in the raffle this week?? I am sure someone is lifting the raffle prizes going round Tesco's, if so can you get me a couple of bits for next Wednesday?   Don't forget Baz's half hour spot next week.

And finally Becka came in with a new man in tow, I think there were a few tense moments when I introduced them to whole crowd when it was supposed to be a bit of a secret, better to get it out in the open I say.

Wed 12th May

Wed After the election and still not a rosette in sight.  We had a busy and rather eventful night this week, there were three birthdays in Suze the perennial 30 something (in her dreams!),  Baz who declined to mention his age and I for one wouldn't like to guess, anywhere between 30 and 50 I'd say, finally Sue G is 60 today (Friday) and I have to say she is the best looking 60 year old I have ever seen, She's a bit of a looker anyway.   Suze said "I hope I look that good at 60" We all said that we wished she looked that good now!  SO happy birthday to one and all.  Recently I have contacted one or two people who used to be regular members but come no more, I realise this looks like favouritism but it's not, honest, well I suppose it is in a way, what I mean to say is that I have contacted people that I have email addresses for, obviously there are many more people who we don't see anymore who I cannot contact and this doesn't mean they are any less welcome just that I don't have their address, so if you know someone who has stopped coming to the club give em a nudge, tell them we miss them. 

Chris started proceedings this week so the bar was set high to start with, Fire & Brimstone closed the first half breaking the bar with their foreheads as they stumbled through.  Once again Twigg was on the list, off the list, on later in the list, off again, on as reserve before deciding not to play at all, he used to be indecisive but now he's not sure.  Baz was left undecided because someone (Hugh or possibly Peter I think) nicked one of the songs he planned to sing, now what is the chance of that? Hugh & Baz sharing the same songs?? he came back though with something from his long and varied past.   I think everyone gave a good account of them selves and although I am still struggling with finger picking in public (I finger pick for hours at home faultlessly!) everyone enjoyed themselves.  I am going to play earlier in the night in future because there seems to be a mass exit every time I get up to play, I maintain it is due to the late hour but we will see.

Wed 5th May

Night before the election and not a rosette in sight, thankfully.  There were some very serious and studious looking groups of people huddled together throughout the night though, I don't know what they were discussing as I wasn't included!  I'll tell you what, whoever abolishes barbed wire and fencing in general gets my vote, I have just spent an enjoyable bank holiday weekend ( including a week either side) erecting gates and fencing fields off in a vain attempt to keep the family donkeys, horses etc. under lock and key.  Quite frankly I have bloody well had enough, I am cut to ribbons, lost all my fingernails, tired & emotional, not to mention my very expensive engine driven welder suffering a sudden loss of power, I turned round to be greeted by a pall of black smoke issuing from the business end but am I disheartened?  You bet!

Buoyed by a brilliant night at the Brown Cow in Mansfield Tuesday night, (I was playing with Ta be Sure) I was looking forward to the club, and in the absence of Greg I was rather pleased to see not so many people in, a nice easy night with loads of space for everyone.  The list filled up nicely and at the start of proceedings had one or two spots spare, everything was going to plan,  except, every time I left the list when I got back there where two more names to fit in, by the break the whole thing was a sea of ink, with crossings out over crossings out and arrows leading off in all directions, how we got through to the end I do not know.  Derek had to be brought in to help out in the second half, I hope he remembers to declare it down the labour exchange, Twiggy did his bit as well in as much as he kept me busy changing the order of the acts, finding me new must have's to get on and changing his mind.  He did do one act of extraordinary heroism though, I was amazed to witness him bite Jamie's ear, not just your fatherly nip oh! no, this was a full on bite, I don't know why, I don't care why, it was a magic moment the sort only likely to happen at Ilkeston.  Martin started proceedings for us this week with some excellent playing, we were also treated to The Corn Dodgers trying to flog us some CD's, they sold one or two I believe and rightly so their being really good and singing the praises of Thieves Wood in Mansfield and the nocturnal activities it attracts. Anna was stunning I thought, after being accused of street walking, by?  well me of course.   We had two birthdays in, Colin from Takemine corner and Alan who even brought cake.  Another Alan dropped by and played a nipple trapper to us at high speed, apparently this Alan is credited with starting off one of the first folk clubs in Ilkeston, I managed to get pushed off the list but then due to speedy singers got my spot back, Jamie recovered from his bite and did a couple and Johnno finished the night off in his own inimitable style. 

Greg should be back next week and  I can exclusively reveal we have been promised visits soon from Brenda & Jo, Lighnin & Dave the knobs and last but not least Neil & julie 

Wed  28th April

Bit of a strange night but what a night!  We started off a bit quiet but the room soon filled up, I suspect there were more than a few John Richo fans in for his half hour spot,  We got Baz to start us off this week (the first spot is so unpopular we are making a determined effort to make everyone do it at some point), Baz of course is scheduled for next month's half hour spot.   The first half went much as usual with spots from Dave, Clive, Hugh and Donna as a late "fit in"  John came on stage for his Half hour and made an excellent start with some ragtime and blues but it became apparent he was struggling at about the half way point and he felt he had to abandon it altogether much to the disappointment of everyone, when your bottle goes it goes, I think we should give him a chance to do it again if he wants to.  Strange things happen to people sometimes, John is as every one knows an accomplished performer who has done many many spots and half hours in the past but this week was just not meant to be.  With John leaving the stage early we filled in with a spot from Bob and one from Johnno before the chips and this allowed us to get Gary in for a spot after the chips so its an ill wind.  Second half consisted of Johnny B, Jamie, Chris, Martin, Nige & Me.  Last week Greg and me cooked up a plan to be nice to everyone all night and we kept it up right through till almost the end when I got fed up and insulted Nige,  No one noticed!  not one person, everyone just thought we were taking the mick.  We went through allsorts of torture with people feeding us lines giving us heaven sent opportunities to have a go and we resisted all night, we even introduced Jamie nicely! so it is back to normal next week.  You will have noticed Jamie is back at home having managed to escape from Spain, Alli was telling us how terrible it was being stranded in Spain not able to get home, what she failed to mention was how terrible it was being stranded in Spain with Jamie, I can think of worse places to be stuck, she did mention though they had been looking at trains! I always thought Jamie looked a bit like a train spotter, so here is your challenge we want pictures of Jamie in his anorak, and I don't care how you get them.

Wed 21st April

Very Busy Night this week, the play list was full by 8.30 but being the kind caring folks we are (Greg & myself that is) we managed to get nearly everyone on, my thanks to Peter who dropped out, all the people who did just one song and a host of people who didn't push for a spot.  I started proceedings at 8.20 with just one song (thankfully some people said) and we had the very welcome return of Branka, Con, Dek & Sea Monkey Andy (for anyone not old enough to remember the days at the White Cow the Sea Monkeys were regular visitors, Andy's current band is The Corndodgers).  New face in this week was Nigel an accomplished performer,  really good, (No! not our Nigel, more about him in a bit).  We had a birthday in, a rather special one, Liz was an undisclosed year older this week and also got married to Dave yesterday, so Happy Birthday & Congratulations to both.  Branka arrived with her sister Smika (hope that's spelled right), I was so pleased to see them I got carried away and said something along the lines of Branka being my favourite lady at the club, I am now persona non grata with Billie, Sue, Karen etc. etc. me and my big mouth, good job Donna wasn't in.  I have made yet another  crook to get people off stage with, I say yet another because this is the fourth one all the others being stolen or acquired by club members, tall Julie asked nicely for one, how could I refuse? Pav asked nicely, NOT, the other one simply disappeared.  You may be wondering what kind of folk club needs a crook to get people off stage, well, it saves Greg being abusive to over-runners, and to be fair it's mere presence is usually enough, case in point being our very own Nige who after agreeing to do one song then announced he was about to do two, the crook was readied and I positioned myself at the side of the stage only to be disappointed when he did a ten second joke regarding singing about all the good things a certain Mr Brown has done! I left the stage crest fallen (not for the first time).  Derek also doing just one for us decided to sing Crazy Man Michael, a song I really like, so I readied the bodhran, intending to add a little beat to his performance.  He started in something approaching 3/4 time progressed through 4/4, 5/4, 6/8, 9 10 11 and half past two I gave up, Crest fallen.

Wed 14th April

Shubho Noboborsho!  It's the Bangladeshi new year, just thought I'd put that in.  Sorry about the late and short report this week but I have been very busy not least with the first festival in my 2010 calendar this weekend.  Needless to say every one at the club had a great time.

Wed 7th April

April already!  and with the festival season about to start in earnest people are huddling in groups sorting out sleeping arrangements lifts etc.  Well ok so it's only me but I do like to get away with me canvas palace now and again, be nice to have some company once in a while though so in a shameless attempt to drum up some friends here is my itinerary for this year (so far)  April 16th The Folk Thing, Ashby Folville.  local one this Ta Be Sure are playing Friday night, Should be Me ,Tom & Bob there.   May 28th Ireby Festival, Cumbria Sold out! I have one ticket for sale if you are interested £40 for the weekend incl camping, Me & ?.   June 10th  Southwell Festival.  Another local one, big festival this one loads of really good acts, well worth the ticket price and just down the road if you don't fancy staying overnight, Me, Nige, Geoff Morris, Suze, Nick lots of faces you will know from the local folk scene.  July 16th, Brampton Live, Cumbria.  Brilliant festival this one, held at a school so all facilities are available.  Me, Greg, Derek, Nige poss Dave.   Aug 21st  WHITBY, need I say more?  Me, Tom, Clive, Bob, Mick & Sue Chris, Johnny B, Colin, Dr Joe, Jan, Ian Scott Etc Etc + anyone who is anyone from all around the clubs, if you have never been give it a go there is something for everyone, we camp, many rent cottages etc but be quick fills up very quickly may already be difficult to find accommodation.  This is by no means an exhaustive list the possibilities are endless if you know something I don't then share it.

Ok so back to the club.  What a brilliant night yet again, we had all the usual suspects one or two new faces in and a full list.  Greg started us off, in serious mood for once and a nice job he made of two songs despite barracking and insults so well done Greg, (no I haven't gone soft I think he needs a bit of encouragement now and again).  We had new faces  Rachel & Frank in doing their thing with our own Mick the bass Frank is one of Micks  ex colleagues I believe, this means we probably had more firemen in the building than Ilkeston fire station, well ex firemen anyway, if ever there is a fire at the club we will have one each to rescue us.  Also making his debut was Lol who slipped in unnoticed with a set of bagpipes, we gave him a spot (that is two sets of pipes in two weeks! more than enough for anyone) and Lol launched into a lively medley of rousing pipe tunes, despite things coming apart half way through we thoroughly enjoyed it.  As he came to a halt Greg went onstage only to be told "I Haven't finished yet", "you have now" was Greg's witty reply, seriously we do have to limit spots to 10 minutes or we would never get through the night, I don't think Lol was offended, anyway he is vowing to return.  We let Tom close proceedings this week an honour usually left to me or Jamie, not that it's much of an honour really I usually get it because I have been pushed down the list to a point where there is nowhere else to go and Jamie because he is apt to come in late and get the last available spot, if only he took to wearing a vest he might get the same consideration that certain young ladies get.   Mmmm thinking about it maybe it's not the actual garment that does the trick.

Wed 31st March

Very special night for some,  First of all the long awaited feature night by Nick, it is Clive's birthday this week and last but very not least we saw Jan and Joanne with a bit of good news.  Dave was noticeably absent, he has gone caravanning,  we did laugh when it snowed, any way he's got a 4 x 4, a cheap nasty far eastern one but a 4 x 4 all the same so we aren't worried at all.  

I got a surprise phone call just before I left for the club, a young lady who although I love her dearly I haven't seen for ages, Dr Jo announced that she and mum Jan were coming along this week and what's more she had passed her exams and now truly was  "Dr Jo".  I think everyone is as thrilled as she must be and relieved as Jan must be at the news, if for no other reason than we will now have the pleasure of their company a bit more often and hopefully the reappearance of the Canon musical talent.  There was much reference made, mostly by the male club members, of bad backs and mysterious aches and pains of course and I dragged out all the doctor jokes I could remember, well all the repeatable ones anyway and by the end of the night talk and advice got around to specialities, I suggested she should specialise in goolies but she didn't seem keen, I tried fellas, I tried. 

Enough now, lets get on with the rest of the night, we did seem awfully short of people to start with but we filled up soon enough.  with it being a feature night spaces were at a premium and fortunately we managed to fit everyone in nicely we even got an extra act on in the first half.  Hugh had the pipes with him,  just a week late but never mind, apparently he was on Granddad duty last week, God knows what a small child makes of being sung to sleep in Gaelic, I presume he doesn't use the pipes!   As well as all the usual suspects we got a visit from Mark Atherton from Matlock way, who hasn't been singing of late but is going to be at the Whitworth Centre festival in Darley Dale this weekend. 

So Nick's half hour spot,  well as you would expect he filled it with English folk music real guitar playing and expressive singing,  there was of course some tuning, a change of guitars and a  box of electrical gadgetry to try and fool us into thinking he knows what he is doing.  He is very good though and puts heart and soul into his performances,  with his mate Chand on vocals he's  doubly good and despite someone nicking his opening number provided us with a brilliant feature spot.

Finally, on the way to the club Mike Harding announced the sad death of Fred Wedlock, on the radio that is I don't have Mike with me on Wednesdays, he's too busy with his radio program.  It was deemed appropriate to do a tribute and I decided to sing The Oldest Swinger in Town accompanied by the fat fool Greg and his sidekick Dek, given I haven't played it for some time, Greg has never played it and Dek was on the bodhran, well you don't need me to paint you a picture, I am sure I heard the sound of quiet sobbing during the chorus.  Oh! by the way, Dek has lost his job so now Greg is saddled with a car full of idle louts on Wednesdays scrounging their way to the club,  there is no stigma attached to unemployment, if there was Dek would be claiming it!

Wed 24th March

I'm in charge this week the fat fool being away enjoying himself, but  I had assistance from Dave the bar and John R,  Billie was missing this week (probably drunk)  so Bop had to officiate behind the bar assisted as always by Dave.  We had a new face, a band and loads of the usual.  New face this week was Andrew who not only made his debut at the club but sang for the first time in front of an audience, a fine if short performance ensued (he only sang us one song).  The band who have been to see us once before but it was a while ago call themselves The Offcuts, they did some fine singing and playing and introduced us once again to the Hurdy Gurdy an instrument not often seen or heard in the club.   

Wed 17th March

St Patrick's Day!  A good day to be Irish, pity I'm not but I never let that keep me from a party.  First of all I am deeply indebted to Peter who has taken the trouble to do Uncle Joes's for me:

St Patrick`s Night! - Some rose to the occasion, others ignored it.   Without the Dublin Busker and the Chris/JB gang, it was a slow start but much better later.   The highlight was an 89 year old Irishman with a superb vocal range who gave us two stirring songs.   His daughter, our own Karen, did a fine version of `Both Sides the Tweed`.   Someone, backed ably by bassman Tony, did a couple of  Country songs.   Fire and Brimstone did `Catch me if you can` in their inimitable style.   Greg was his exuberant self as MC – to avoid him getting a heart attack, Twiggy took over later and performed with panache – come back quick Keith, your job's at risk.   Gary from Spondon did a couple of his own, including a tour of the Dark Peak.   A special tribute to Tom, who single-handedly produced great sound.   In my spot I referred to the cows roaming the streets of India, forgetting to mention the sacred rats fed yoghurt in the temple.

Peter

As for me I was gigging with Ta Be Sure at he Maypole in Skegby, in the company of Nige, Sutton Mick and a whole host of merry makers, we had a splendid night with lots of songs and some good natured banter.  The Maypole as anyone who has been in will testify is a rather small establishment run by Bob a genial Irishman (why are they all called Bob? I thought it was Pat Or Mick) we ended up playing in a tight corner hard up against the gents toilets with our speaker stands covering the doors to the cellar and the landlord's accommodation so we had a steady stream (no pun intended) of unsteady characters going to the gents on stage with us and Nige sliding the speakers about as required to when the landlord needed to go in the cellar but it worked fine and we are booked to go back next year so it must have been all right.

I am back God willing next week but Greg is off to parts foreign.

Wed March 10th

Brilliant night this week with not too many people in but a chance to see 18 yes 18 different performances.  We had one new face and the welcome return of Martin last week's new face and The Struggling String band, who after being cosseted at their last appearance (they were allowed an extra song) were treated with the same strict two songs or 10 minutes and your off attitude applied to all our regulars (you are only a new face once!), I am afraid there is little compassion shown by the Mc's, in fact it has been described as downright hostility in certain cases.   Bob got us off to a good start in a pre Paddy's night visit, don't expect to see him for a couple of weeks, or me for that matter, Bob will be out touting his ethnicity for hard cash I on the other hand will be pretending to be Irish for next to nothing as usual, (We don't do it for the money, it's just as well I couldn't maintain 18 stone on Ta Be Sure wages!).   Jeff was new face this week he arrived clutching what at first appeared to be a banjo (it turned out to be a mandola), I heard a nasty rumour that he had come from Stoke on Trent but we let him play and very good he was, it's a shame Peter our resident traditionalist wasn't in to enjoy his performance (he is in Rajasthan at the moment I believe).  Mick the bass was very much in evidence again this week, we have tried to remove him from the stage but it seems he has got the bug and being the only man in the room with a bass guitar he has become a popular addition to one or two performances much like myself with the bodhran except I have to twist arms to get on.  The night was brought to a close by Jamie, talented bad boy but why oh why do I have to get stuck with "I wish I was dead" running in an endless loop in my head for the rest of the week? 

As I am going to be absent next week maybe someone will take pity and do Uncle Joe's for me

See you all in a couple of Weeks Keith xx

Wed March 3rd

A bit quieter this week, so plenty of time for messing about and plenty of chips at half time of course.  We had a new face in, Martin, Kathy Anna came by for just one song and Dave T is back after a mammoth flu bout, he made a joke about being "inside" and I have to say he has been missing for about the right amount of time with remission for good behaviour.  Martin came along on Clive's recommendation I believe and sat before the assembled rabble with little show of nerves.  Nerves where clearly not needed, he performed really wel, I do hope he becomes a regular, Twigg went home ill at half time, nothing to do with Martin being an outstanding player of course.  Several regulars are missing again! where do you go?  I know Suze is still trying to offload Sian onto some university or other but what do the rest of you do on a Wednesday? 

Apologies for this short report and the continuing absence of any new music but at the moment I am up to my eyes in railing making so what with welding, hammering and banging and band practice with Ta Be Sure there is little time left over.    

Wed Feb 24th

Very busy night with loads of new faces in, I would like to think everyone had crowded in to see the fabulous Ta Be Sure but I fear there was a large contingent with a very new band making their debut at the club, maybe they choose to make their debut this week because they knew Ta Be Sure would be a big draw.  We bullied Nige into opening up for us by conveniently forgetting to put him on the list then offering him the only spot left, the first one, brilliant Eh.  George, sans Barry let Derek accompany him and a decent job they did as well although I cautioned George not to sack Barry just yet.  The brilliant Ta Be Sure (the first featured act of the year) got a big build up from Greg, well two of em anyway I was accused of just banging me drum, Oh didn't I mention I am one of them?  We made a slightly nervous start but soon warmed up and received a rapturous reception from the assembled throng (thanks for that), everything went more or less to plan except a couple of minor glitches, a dodgy lead to the bodhran and a tuning resistant mandolin.  The other band of the night, The Struggling String Band was a trio making their debut performance in front of an audience, very good they where too, I have just one piece of advice for them.....lose the drum kit and double base, they sound fine but a whistle and something like a mandolin will go up the stairs so much easier.  Terry graced the second half in his own inimitable style helped along with a liberal splash of alcohol but it was his birthday this week so that's alright and Sutton Mick ( Ta Be Sure's Only Groupie) brought proceedings to an end with a scratch band that involved some pop bodhran playing   "Rock & Roll!"

Wed Feb 10th

Bit of a quiet night this week which gives Greg and myself time to enjoy the atmosphere.  After last weeks shenanigans with the first spot we had a volunteer this week, Twiggy, so for once we saw him play sober, didn't improve him any I have to say but thanks to him anyway, filling the first spot is always a bit of a struggle.   We had Autoharp Bob back for a visit this week  which was nice, haven't seen him for a while, half the club is still mesmerised by this elaborate egg slicer he wears on his chest but it is remarkably melodious and a welcome change from all the guitarists.  The ever lovely Julie May sat on two stools this week?? I don't know why, more height perhaps? and despite a rather halting start, I don't think she was comfy with her little legs dangling off the top of her multiple seating arrangement, she absolutely wowed us with a couple of songs.  Greg once again stated  that no matter how you look at it Julie is far and away a better singer than most of the "professional" singers out there today.  Don't believe me? get down to the club on the 29th Sept and hear her half hour feature spot.  Whilst on the subject of Feature spots, there is a list of this years featured artists on the club notice board, if you are not on the list you have missed out this year, unless of course you can persuade someone to drop out and then persuade Greg to give you their spot.  As I said earlier it was a quiet night, so much so Derek was left sitting alone, I should point out that he normally manages to get himself between or at least next to any female visitors in the club, after we made an appeal on his behalf he was still very much on his own so Greg took pity on him and went and sat next to him, well for five minutes anyway.  Finally Clive told me a risqué joke which I thought was worth repeating, so I did, to complete silence.  Now I am no Jimmy Tarbuck but I can usually get a bit of a laugh out of folks, what Clive hadn't said was that he had already been round the entire audience with his joke, I left the stage to sound of my own footsteps, thanks mate.

Don't forget Committee Meeting Next Wednesday 7.30

Wed Feb 3rd

Good Turnout again, we started off this week with a little bit of trouble but more of that later.  Chris is birthday boy this week we never did quite find out how old he is but it's less than 60 and definitely more than 55 so I'll leave you to guess.  It fell to me as it often does to sing happy birthday, now I don't know how to play it so I sing it Acapulco, as far as we know the only club member who does know how to play it is Chris, so we had him play Happy Birthday to himself, we did all sing along.  Clive took my comments last week about a lack of Scottishness to heart and sang Flower of Scotland this week, the club was ready to mount a raid over the border in Nottinghamshire by the end, good job Hugh didn't turn up with the pipes or we might have had a full scale riot on our hands.  Now then, the trouble I mentioned earlier,  a certain young lady who will remain nameless took exception to Greg,  nothing new there then.  Apparently she felt we hadn't given her time to prepare as we had put her on first and Greg's charming "Oi! your on first" wasn't well received, so she refused to play.  Being fair minded and diplomatic I just crossed her of the list, we can't have stroppy folks picking their own spots it just makes a mockery of the MC's but Greg big softy that he is relented and found her a spot later in the night, so all was well and we are all best of friends again.  Finally I am Quite proud to have been accused of being sexist at a funeral!  Ok I wasn't being sexist at the funeral I was just accused there, Julie from Mansfield (a regular reader) thinks I have a dodgy attitude, whereas I think that is rubbish, I am sure my very good mate Donna (you know the one with the nice vests) wouldn't agree and Suze will attest that I said she had a voice like an angel this week.  Ok I did also say she had a face like a baboon but that was just bonhomie and before you start, the wife beating joke this week was courtesy of Derek nothing to do with me.

Wed Jan 27th

I have received some sad news this week, Des who co runs Fansfield Folk Club has died suddenly I am sure you'll all join me in sending our condolences to to his family, a sad loss to the local folk scene.

It being Burns night on Monday I fully expected an outpouring of Scottishness this week but alas no, I wore my Jacobean shirt to mark the occasion and the less cultured members of the club sought to make fun of me, Hugh as you might expect did a Burns song but that was about it, let's see what St. Patricks night brings.  We had a good crop of usual faces again this week with only one new boy, Kev I do believe, who played bass to Al's latest musical offerings.  I did notice his guitar had five strings on it, now that's not as odd as you might think with us, Clive is virtually famous for string breaking at Whitby but Kev's only had five tuners as well.  There was some flannel about five string bases but really, people should beware buying cheapo guitars, I am not saying it was bought from Nick but Kev does hang out with them, if he had contacted Johnny B he could have had a nice Takamine finished in finest Dulux Blue.  Peter H I though should get a special mention this week for a particularly fine song well sung I thoroughly enjoyed it but cannot for the life of me remember the title and Clive deserves a mention if for no other reason than he lugged a squeeze box all the way from Long Eaton and then borrowed the club guitar to do his spot, not to be out done Chris came in weighed down with both mandolin and a guitar, when I asked if he was going to play for us he declined??  Now I know some of us are a bit anal about our instruments but taking them for a walk?  At the end of the night this week we found ourselves with a bit of time in hand, under threat of Fire and Brimstone filling in Suze volunteered to sing with me.  We did our party piece Iris Dement's Easy's Getting Harder, with my virtuoso guitar playing (there's three chords and two run downs in it) and Suze'e excellent voice we went down really well but Fire and Brimstone still managed to muscle in for a couple at the end. 

The list of feature nights is now posted, go to the Notice Board to see who is playing when.  The order has been decided by lottery so if you feel you can't do the date you have been given we will try to do a bit of horse trading.  You will see that there are two in September because the last Wednesday in August falls during Whitby week so Wotswot are playing on the 1st of September.

Finally any aspiring drummers amongst you will be pleased to know Tuck Shop Nick is running a drum school every Tuesday night at MFN 7.30 - 9.30.  For those of you who don't know, Nick is a successful professional drummer so he does know what he is talking about, I think this is probably a unique opportunity to learn from a couple of top drummers.  It costs £5 per session that's got to be cheaper than lessons and has the added benefit of being a session so there is something for everyone to learn.  (See The Notice Board)    

Wed Jan 20th

Loads of  people in this week but we had an easy time with the list as not everyone wanted to play.  For the first time since Christmas Nige was in with Greg his nemesis, I should just remind everyone that Greg got Nige on the list at Christmas but then left him out, Nige being the nice fool he is didn't object until it was too late to do anything.  Greg tried to make amends this week by putting Nige on first,  much to Nige's dismay, anyway we savaged him nicely as he protested so that got the night off to a good start.  Terry came on and sang a request for Peter H who wasn't in??   Nick (Nicey)  came with his very classy looking Ibanez and was immediately pounced on by Colin H who is trying to take over from Twigg as club Instrument inspector, basically if you turn up with anything that's not a Takemine it will be confiscated and thoroughly examined, if it excites the assembled "experts" then your abilities as a player will be in question, if the guitar is judged to be mediocre then you will be referred to Johnny B who will try to sell you a Takemine, of course non of this matters as no one takes the slightest bit of notice of either Twiggy or Mr H.  Nick plays some very jazzy type stuff and did one solo and another with Julie May on vocals,  now there is a real treat Julie May doing what she does best with nick's excellent guitar work.  We had a rare treat just before the break in the shape of Wal & Sue returning to performing, it seems ages since we had any Rock & Roll, lets hope they keep it up.  As we where running in front of time we decided to ask Derek to do a spot to fill in, just to be helpful he decided to embark (I chose that word carefully) on a version of Bob Dylan's Boots Of Spanish Leather, all 92 verses of it, by the end Greg and myself were looking for things to throw at him and considering pulling his plug, fortunately he didn't try to get two songs in, not that we would have let him carry on as the chips were up.  The second half was kicked off by Baz, I managed to get myself called a nasty name by trying to shame Suze into not sneaking out for a fag during his performance, I failed.  Another long lost performer returned to the fold in this half as well, we managed to get Jeff B up to sing on his first visit in a long time he hasn't lost any of his magic (hasn't gained any timing either though Ha Ha).

We had to bring the Cock Up Trophy out this week, I awarded it to Billie for her incessant banging and crashing about behind the bar during the acts this week, fortunately I had drunk my one and only pint of the night so there was no chance of revenge, I may drink bottled beer next week.

Finally the next committee meeting has been set for Wed 17th Feb at 7.30  in order to smooth the meeting along all Items for discussion to Greg by the 10th please.

Wed Jan 13th

In the grip of the coldest/longest winter weather for 25 years??  Hello it's January! It's meant to snow in January, we still had a reasonable turn out. 

You may have have noticed my somewhat lax attitude to my literary duties of late.  Well on Christmas day having cooked dinner, yes I can cook, I was invited to accompany my brother in law on a little outing, so a few days later I found myself with a large genial character and an Indian restaurant owner in the Sinai desert on the shores of the Red Sea, 30+ degrees and free alcohol.  So whilst you were suffering arctic temperatures I was busy trying to keep cool and sober,  the only downside to this was a lack of decent music, fortunately I had the Mp3 player with me.

Back to reality..... we had a new boy in this week and a very special birthday as well.  New boy was Tim, he isn't exactly a stranger we have seen him around for a few weeks he just hasn't managed to play before, it was worth the wait I have to say he is a rather talented blues man and I hope we see more of him.  The special birthday is Sian's, although we have actually missed her birthday by a day or two she has turned 18 this week.  I remember my first trip to Whitby when we were still the White Cow Folk Club, Sian was there with us a charming 11? year old, I seem to remember Dave spending a fortune on sweets and pop to keep her quiet, anyhow happy birthday Sian.

Greg is just about ready to publish the half hour spots for this year, we have decided not to have one in January due to a lack of preparation time for the unfortunate candidate so we are are starting off this year in February with that well known band Ta Be Sure, all the others will announced hopefully next week.

At the top of the page I invite you to make contributions to Uncle Joes, no one ever does except very occasionally Suze but this week I was surprised to receive a piece from Peter H via email so I am happy to publish Peter's views:-